I have an irrational fear of Google maps

Let me explain.

I am a very visual person. Throughout my years of education when it came to studying I always had mind maps and wrote out important things because I have a photographic memory. If I see it once, it’s in my brain forever. If I visit a town/city once, I can pretty much make my way around it the second time… without having to stop to ask for directions. I’ve been called a road trip savant once.

With new technology getting around has become much easier. Long gone are the days where you had to pull out a map, pull over at a gas station or rely on someone else for terrible, terrible directions. While I still have a paper map in my car, I also have a GPS. Did I ever tell you about that time in Minneapolis where my GPS screwed up, this all at night, took me out of downtown into the boonies and nearly crashed into a lake trying to get back on to the interstate? No. Well then, let’s move on. The GPS is a wonderful little invention that can get you from A to Z and back again, and now even has key POI’s (point of interests) guiding users to places such as hotels, gas stations, banks, and my favorite, rest areas.  If you’re lucky, Homer Simpson could be your guide. Mmmm, donuts. And if you’re not so lucky, you’ll have an all out war with it when you’re at a dead stop on the interstate because it’s telling you to detour when you can’t because of traffic, construction and an accident all in one place. I do realize that it isn’t a real person, rather, a little box telling me where to go. I still argued and screamed at it.

I like Google Maps. Let me rephrase that… I love Google Maps Street View. What an invention that is! While it’s kinda stalkerish it sure helps someone like me who has a photographic memory, and who likes to know where they’re going. Outside of the Street Maps view, it also gives you live traffic updates which is fabulous. However, I can’t use it while I’m driving… I don’t have an iPhone and I’m not willing to pay data roaming charges. Are you nuts?! Google Street view is my secret weapon… with it, I look like I know the destination like the back of my hand. Impressive, no?! Show off, probably. It’s almost like seeing into the future which is neat.

However, there is a dark side to Street View. A deep dark dark, black hole, side to it. It gives me anxiety just talking about it.

Hi. My name is M., and I have an irrational fear of Google Street View. I think it will send me in to a body of water and I will drown right there while viewing it.

Phew. That was a load off of my chest.

You know what I’m talking about. You’re cruising down Street View and you come to a bridge. You click to go further down the bridge, but if there’s another road under it, you end up under it and not further down the streets. It’s like the Google Street View car fell off the bridge and you’ve crashed down below. Well… when it comes to a bridge over water – such as a lake, ocean or river…. I have a fear that one wrong click will send me hurling over the guard rails and down into the murky water below. It gives me so much anxiety I don’t like clicking over bridges that have water under them. I’m zoom out and place the little orange guy on the other side of the bridge.

Strange? Possibly. Overboard? Sure. Dramatic much? Well, now you’re just going overboard with describing words. This isn’t Mad Libs people.

I don’t know why, but I just get pure anxiety. I find myself holding my breath and praying that the Google Street View car doesn’t go overboard. Be careful Mr. Google Street View Car Driver! Look out! There’s a bridge over water! Don’t drive over the rails… I don’t want to fall in water! Let alone you’d die, but please! Don’t drive over! Think he heard me?

Off to clicking I go. Please don’t let me fall off the bridge.

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One thought on “I have an irrational fear of Google maps

  1. I feel the exact same way about Google Street View! I love it, because it helps me figure out exactly where I need to be, but god help me if I somehow end up near water. I was looking at something near a coast once and zoomed in too much and was all of a sudden surrounded by ocean! Ack!

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