30 Days of Me: Day 7

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A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

I don’t have a picture, just a story. Back in high school, we lost a little boy who I considered to be a little brother. He was the son of family friends, friends who we considered family. Their three children were amazing, and we all got along well… we were like siblings.

One day we got a call saying the middle child had fallen ill and was in the hospital. We were devastated. We prayed and asked God to quickly make him better. He didn’t. Around midnight we got the call that he took a turn for the worse (after surgery) and we rushed to the hospital to be by his and his family’s side. It was in the same hospital where I nearly lost my life as a child. Being back there that day was eerie. It was cold. It was painful. He was lying lifeless in the bed, with puffy plastic surrounding his body to keep him warm, tubes going in and out of his body. I touched his hand and it was cold. I went numb. I flashed back to when I was three months old, maybe it was just the pictures I have looked at, but it felt so real.

He wasn’t going to make it. We knew he was going to die. I questioned God, how could he take away this child that was so full of life and made everyone around him happy?

I left ICU in so much pain, I broke down crying. My mom had to carry me in to the family room. Shortly after that, we left. It was raining. It was cold.

He died later on that morning. We were heartbroken.

It was at that moment that I questioned my faith and denounced God as my savior. He saved me, why couldn’t he save him? It wasn’t fair. My color-filled view on life immediately went to black and white.

It changed me.

It took me a couple of years to realize that I shouldn’t be angry with God. For those who know me, I don’t believe in religion but I do believe in a higher power. I’m a woman of science, but also believe in God. God took this little boy because his time on earth was complete, even if it was at such a young age. He made so many people happy, and I enjoyed every single moment with him that I experienced. I think any parent would have been proud to have him as their child. I know I would have.

I might have only known him for such a short time, but in that short time he came in to my life and changed it. That was the message that God was trying to tell me. He was also telling me to cherish everything in my life, and take nothing for granted.

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