It has been one busy and trying week. As I write this my dad is currently experiencing day two of a hospital stay. Over the weekend he was admitted after a trip to the ER due to an illness. We thought it was another kidney infection gone bad (in 2002 he nearly died from it after it went systemic). The ER doctor found the source – a what we thought was a healed infection on the back of his leg; however, after antibiotic treatments last month, is sat quietly instead of going away and spread to his thigh. He’s now in the hospital until it clears up.
I am now better equipped with the coping mechanisms so I can deal with what is going on. In 2002 I was a royal mess. My dad nearly died, spending five days in ICU. Then in 2008 he underwent a quadruple bypass; that was one of the most trying times of my life. A month previously I was laid off from my job and I was in the middle of a job search when he had a heart attack. I was put on compassionate care benefits and I immediately took over the role of everything household. My mom spent her days with my dad so I put myself in charge of paying bills, taking care of household items such as getting things repaired if needed, etc. I felt like I was the homeowner and my parents and sister were my tenants.
I was on burnout by the time he came home. I continued to be unemployed (at my behest) to help my dad out. My mom couldn’t because she too is disabled.
I was stressed and nearly had a mental breakdown. I took on too much and didn’t put myself first. It’s my nature… I think of others before I think of myself.
Now, it’s different. Now that I work occasionally and school is starting soon, my time management skills are much better. I’ve created a schedule for when my mom goes to the hospital, when I’m in class, when to grocery shop, run errands, etc. I now take time for myself whether it be pouring a cup of coffee and sitting outside, driving around the city in my car, buying a newspaper to read, or giving myself a mani/pedi (note to self, you need to fix your nails). I’ve even downloaded “Water for Elephants”; the audiobook lets me sink in to the sofa and melt away for hours. The last two times I forgot about myself… this time I’m not letting it happen. I’m also keeping myself happy by thinking of my trip at the end of the month. My cousin is excited for my visit, I’m excited to visit them.
The kind words of support from friends and family have also been a huge help. The last time I zoned it out. I knew they cared, but didn’t really want to hear it. I was too busy trying to keep my life together and my father functioning that I didn’t care what others were saying. It was nice, but I didn’t want to hear it.
So if my blog posts are far and in between, this is why. Right now I am so incredibly busy with my dad, home stuff and now school I’m becoming too tired at the end of the night where I don’t want to sit down and blog write.