Flipping mofo tables

Source: Bravo TV

People, shit nearly got real on Sunday. I was this close to flipping some mofo tables in a mofo swanky hotel because some bitch was engaged FIVE TIMES. FIVE FREAKING TIMES. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! REALLY?!

Okay, not really. That did not happen… I can assure you it didn’t. But we were tempted because Sunday morning we were all up in this place…..

Source: L.L.

Holy swanky balls, I felt like a Housewife for the duration I was there. On Sunday, along with some of her friends, I helped celebrate L.L.’s 30th birthday (even though it’s not until today – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) with a very posh brunch at a very posh hotel. So posh that I paid $60 for an all you can eat buffet and it wasn’t your typical buffet. It was gourmet food. Ya’ll, I had prime rib roast with my eggs benedict and fancy bacon.

I had to dress up for this occasion because, well, I seriously thought there was a dress code; two, it’s nice to dress up and three, I had a bridal shower to attend afterward. I wore a dress that I haven’t worn in five years, a dress that is a 3X and when I first bought it… it was horrible. I didn’t look good in it. Now that I’ve lost weight, I have shape and while it’s too big, it’s actually perfect. It’s cotton and hugs at the waist, showing now that I have a shape and not just a blob.

Back to the posh stuff.

I seriously could not believe the food that was being served. Seriously. For realz. I ate like a Queen and did not regret one bit of it (2 plates of breakfast each consisting of eggs benedict, steamed asparagus and baby carrots, bacon – a lot, cheese, and fruit), but then came… the dessert table. It’s a room dedicated to dessert. I seriously died and went to fatty heaven. It was dessert that was so sinful, it was good. Mini creme brulee, mini chocolate lava cake, macarons, cookies, and much much more.

Sadly the very next day my pitiful breakfast could not compare to the delicious posh food I ate the day before. My bagel looked pathetic sitting on my plain looking dinner plate and the orange juice in my cup wasn’t so posh. L.L. said the same thing.

I think I may have to win the lottery so I can afford this brunch every Sunday. Or find a sugar daddy. I wonder if Christina could give me a few pointers.

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